11 week scan

I’m so pleased to report that today’s scan at 11 weeks exactly went well!

I told the doctor all about the bleed and he was understandably keen to do the scan, so we got straight to it and instantly could see that baby was dancing around happily. Massive relief!! The doctor took his measurements and he measured 11 weeks 1 day, which is great, with a heartbeat of 176bpm. Again, more relief.
The doctor had a thorough check around and couldn’t see any cause for the bleeding, so he said that most likely whatever it was that caused it has now passed. He also couldn’t see any other areas of concern/haematomas, which was also a relief. He said that I might continue to bleed a bit, which is normal as it takes a while for anything that’s still there to work its way out, but as of today I’m just passing very small amounts of old, dark blood, so I’m hoping that’s all I’ll have. 

He said that he’s very happy with how things look, which was a relief. He said that I can carry on with life as normal and don’t need to be on bed rest or anything, which is good. He said that bleeding can happen, which I already knew, but I can’t believe how much blood I lost and that all is still ok. I’m so grateful that baby wasn’t in the way and that he’s just happily plodded on with all this craziness around him!!! 

Thank you for everyone’s kind comments the last few days, I really appreciate it. I’ve got my NHS scan on Thursday next week, so fingers crossed for an uneventful week until then, and now for a well earned rest!!

X

Please send good thoughts

Well, it’s been another one of those weeks I’m afraid. I’ll bullet point it to make life easier….

– Wed 21st, 9.5 week scan which went really well, happy days

– Mon 26th, light bleeding late afternoon. Went to hospital, had a cervical exam, cervix was closed and no new blood seen. Told to go home and rest and would be given a scan on Wed 28th

– Wed 28th, had a scan at 10am. Baby measured perfectly, loads of movement, all looked brilliant

– Around 4.30pm went to the bathroom and had a massive bleed. I had no pain, no cramps, but it was all over my legs, through my jeans, everywhere. Went to the hospital, where I continued to bleed, had an exam and cervix was closed. Had a scan and baby was fine, but there was a small bleed underneath the sac. Doctor diagnosed it as a threatened miscarriage, I just have to wait and see what happens. All might be fine, or we might lose the baby, there’s nothing we can do apart from wait. 

I spoke to my miscarriage specialist and I’m going to see him for a scan on Saturday. If anything gets worse I need to go to the hospital again, but for now it’s just waiting and hoping. So far today the bleeding has definitely lessened, and it’s darker in colour, which is what the doctor said to expect, as its old blood. I guess I should take that as a good sign, but with everything that’s happened I’m finding it difficult to see anything as good at the moment. 

The strangest thing is that yesterday morning after the good scan, I finally started to believe that this might be working – that this one might be it. I went into a baby store with my mother and allowed myself to look at baby clothes, which I’ve never done the whole time I’ve been pregnant. We told a few friends and allowed ourselves to be happy, I just can’t believe how short lived it was.

The irony of all of this is that this has nothing to do with my history. It’s taken three years, five miscarriages and a ton of drugs, operations and treatments to finally get us to what we have now – a perfect, wriggly, healthy baby. This has been the hardest part – making my body accept a baby and not reject it – and finally we’ve been able to do this, and we’ve been able to see something that we’ve never seen before, our own baby dancing and moving away inside my belly. Whatever happens, seeing that was absolutely magical and I’ll always treasure that memory. But now, after all this, our precious baby could be taken away by something completely out of the blue, which we couldn’t prepare for or prevent in any way. Every loss we’ve had has felt unfair, but to get this far and lose it now is just unthinkable. 

I guess I just wait until Saturday now and see what the scan shows. My husband is here looking after me and we’re both just getting through the day, silently scared and not really wanting to talk about it. Please send any good thoughts my way, we need them now more than ever.

X

9 week scan

Today we had our 9.5 week scan and I’m happy to report that it all went well! Baby measured exactly 9 weeks 4 days with a heart beat of 176bpm. For the first time I was able to have the tummy scan rather than the internal one, which made it feel even more real!

The specialist tells us that the chance of miscarriage now is around 1%, so we have definitely reached a milestone to get here, which I still can’t honestly believe. We even got to see a little foot move, which was completely surreal.

For now we just plod on until the next scan at 11.5 weeks and try and enjoy this good news for now! Thank you to everyone who sent over good wishes – I really appreciate it! 

X

TV show about recurrent miscarriage – tonight

Tonight (Thur 15th Oct) on TLC channel in the UK at 10pm there is a show called First Heartbeat, which tells the story of a woman who suffered five miscarriages.

She did go on to have two children, and was treated by the same recurrent miscarriage specialist as me, Dr Shehata. 

Here’s an article about the show, I’ll definitely be tuning in:

First Heartbeat show on TLC
X

Wrapped up in bubble wrap

Strange title I know, but this is basically what I wish I could be at the moment!!

Fingers crossed, all is moving along as it should. I’ve had no more bleeding and the days are just moving along normally. I’m 8 weeks 4 days today and am still tired, still hungry, but not much else. I’d love more symptoms (crazy at it sounds, I might at least feel like everything was ok then somehow) but maybe this is just how I am, so there we are. 

I had to go to the doctor for a urine test on Monday, as I thought I had a uti, but all turned out to be fine. Whilst I was there, she asked if I’d booked an appointment to see the midwife. I said no, as I was scared to book anything until after my 9.5 week scan next week, but she said I needed to, so I’m booked to see her on 24th. She then asked if I’d booked my 12 week scan. Again, I said no, for the same reason. Again, I have to send off the form to book that too.

I know that we’ve seen a good strong heartbeat and a perfect sized baby at 7.5 weeks, so the chances of the next scan being positive are good, but I still can’t help wanting to just somehow not face anything pregnancy-related until I’ve had the next scan. Our recurrent miscarriage specialist told us that if we get to 9 weeks, the chances of things not working out are then extremely low, so I’m just trying to plod along until then and hope that things work out. The few people whom we’ve told have been amazing, and it’s been lovely to actually have some good news for once, but after 5 losses, I just can’t suddenly switch to ‘everything’s going to be fine’ mode – as much as I’d love to. I’ve met with the midwife before, got my maternity notes, all of those things, then seen it not progress. 

Overall I’m feeling pretty calm about things, mainly because I know that everything will work out as it works out – no amount of stressing or panicking will change anything – so I just have to live my life and see how it goes. But now that things have started so brilliantly, I’m just hoping more than ever that it continues. I went into a shop this week and saw all of the Christmas decorations and for the first time in years, I got that warm, magical, Christmassy feeling. We’ve lost babies twice at Christmas since we’ve been married, so it’s become a time of sadness for us as a couple, and as I stood there I just wished more than anything that this would work out and that we’d be able to feel that happiness again. 

I’ll keep plodding on until next week, please keep your fingers crossed that the good news continues.

X

7 week scan

I’ve just had our scan at 7 weeks 4 days and am happy to report that it’s good news!!

I can’t even describe to you the terror that I felt before we went in. It’s easily the most anxious and nervous that I’ve been on all of this journey, I felt sick and it wasn’t from the hormones, just pure fear.

The specialist was great and got straight to the scan. He put the scanner in and after a matter of seconds he said ‘baby’s fine’. Honestly, hearing those words was one of the best feelings I’ve ever had. He zoomed in and I saw the heartbeat whizzing away, then he put something over it and we were able to hear it beating – wowzers! It was 158 beats per minutes, which he was very happy about. He then measured the CRL (crown rump length) which is the length of the baby, and it was 1.3cm, which is exactly 7 weeks and 4 days. Honestly, I still can’t believe that this is happening.

He saw a little area next to the baby where there was blood, which may be the cause of the spotting, but he wasn’t worried about it. He said to stay on the double progesterone and no sex (sorry Mr TryTryAgain!), and hopefully it won’t be a problem.

I asked the specialist about an auto immune condition called Sjogrens Syndrome, as I think I may have it. I read about it a while ago, as the main symptoms are dry eyes and trouble swallowing, both of which I have, and interestingly the treatment for it is hydroxychloroquine, which I’m having as part of my reproductive immunology treatment. Might be a coincidence, but he’s taken a blood sample for it and will see what it shows, as it may have some relevance later on, if things continue to go well. 
So I’m now sitting having my intralipid infusion at the doctors, trying to take it all in. I’m seeing the NHS for a scan next week, then seeing the specialist the week after. He’s very keen to get to 9 weeks, as he says the risk of miscarriage drops significantly after that, so let’s hope that we can get there.

Thank you for all your well wishes, I really really appreciate it.

X

Next scan tomorrow

Tomorrow I’ve got my scan with our reproductive immunology specialist and it’s safe to say that I’m terrified. 

I’m 7 weeks and 3 days pregnant today and am happy to report that I’ve had no more bleeding since the scare last week, which I’m extremely relieved about. The specialist said I could increase my progesterone to two pessaries each day instead of one after the bleeding, so I’m hoping that’s helped. I’ve had the same level of tiredness all week, I’m basically yawning all day and ready for bed at about 8pm every night, and I feel a bit sick around dinner time, but nothing very dramatic.
I keep telling myself that there’s no reason that the scan tomorrow will be bad news – the last scan was great and there’s every chance that it will go well – but I honestly just can’t believe it. I guess after five miscarriages it’s totally normal to expect the worst, and I’m finding it hard to think positively. 

I’ll let you know how it goes, I’m just so hoping that I have good news to share. I’ve tried to really enjoy the last week – talking to my tummy, thinking about baby stuff, enjoying the few waves of nausea that I get – just trying to hold on to any pregnancy feelings whilst I can, in case they’re taken away tomorrow. I know how quickly this can all end, so I’ve tried to make the most of it all whilst I have it, hoping all the time that this will be the one.

Please send any good thoughts my way, I’m so hoping that tomorrow goes well.

X