Yesterday I wrote about my mini-meltdown after I tested again at 14 days past ovulation and was obsessing over whether or not the line was darker. The stress that this testing caused me was massive – the day before i’d been really calm and was quite happy just plodding along, but yesterday I was anxious all day worrying about the test.
Thank you to everyone who commented and tried to put my mind at rest – I really appreciate it! I did some thinking yesterday and decided that this will now be my new strategy…..
I’ve decided that, unless I feel like I really have to, I’m going to stop testing. I’m going for the ‘ignorance is bliss’ approach!
The reality is that i’ve had four pregnancies – two which were chemical and ended after 10 days, one in which my betas were erratic and slow to double from day one and the baby stopped growing at about 6 weeks, and one where my betas doubled perfectly, but the baby stopped growing at 6 weeks – so ultimately, it doesn’t really make a blind bit of difference what the tests say! Even if my tests are perfect, there’s still no guarantee that everything will work out.
With this in mind, I’ve decided that the anxiety which I have about having a miscarriage without any warning (i.e. by not testing) is less than the anxiety which testing every two days would give me. This might sound mental, but right now that’s the way I feel. So i’m just plodding on, taking each day as it comes, and hoping for the best. By not testing, I can kind of forget that i’m pregnant, which again sounds odd, but is somehow making me feel better.
Today I had another intralipid infusion. This is to help to coat the Natural Killer Cells to stop them attacking the foetus. It’s a pretty straightforward procedure – just a drip in your arm, then the intralipids drip through over the course of about 90 minutes. It’s pretty dull, but not painful at all. Here’s a pic of the intralipid infusion:
And here’s the drip in my arm (sorry if anyone doesn’t like needles/medical pictures!)
Now I’m just resting at home and looking forward to the weekend!
So we’ll see how things go. I don’t have any massive symptoms – I’m a bit bloated, with sore boobs and some mild cramps – but I’m on progesterone which causes these, as well steroids which mask any nausea, so I don’t really have any idea what’s caused by what at the moment! I’m booked to have an early scan in June, so fingers crossed that I get that far. One day at a time, that’s all I can do at the moment.
Have a good weekend everyone!