35+2 weeks

Still here – still cooking! ๐Ÿ™‚

I mentioned in my last post that my sister in law was due a baby at any time and I’m delighted to announce that she gave birth to a beautiful baby girl on Thursday last week! Mother and baby are both fine and my SIL did amazingly well – in and out of hospital in half a day and she delivered with only gas and air! We met our little niece the next day and she was perfect, 7lbs 2oz and looked so tiny! It was brilliant to meet her, but somehow it still doesn’t register that I have one of those in my tummy – I know how ridiculous that sounds, but it’s true. But lovely news all round for the family ๐Ÿ™‚

On Thursday evening I had to go to the hospital as baby wasn’t moving as much as normal. They put me on the monitor and baby woke up straightaway, so they checked me for an hour and I was sent home. They asked me to go back the next day for another check, and they also brought forward my scan from next Monday to Friday, just so they could double check that all was ok. I’ve said it before but I’ll say it again – I cannot fault the NHS for how much they’ve taken care of me in this pregnancy, I really am so grateful.

I had the scan and all was well. Blood flows to baby were good and he/she is weighing in at 5lbs 6oz at exactly 35 weeks ๐Ÿ™‚ I saw the consultant afterwards and she was happy with baby’s growth, so I’m seeing her on Monday for my usual appt with her. It was a pretty stressful couple of days, but I’m so relieved that all was ok.

Today my husband and I went to an NHS antenatal class with about 10 other couples. I’ve always been so nervous throughout my pregnancy that I’ve never dared to sign up for any classes, so I did this at the very last minute and was lucky enough to get a place. The midwife running the class was brilliant – very honest and straightforward – and she talked us through the stages of labour, pain relief, when labour changes and interventions are needed, postnatal care and breast feeding. It was a really useful session as to be honest I’ve pretty much put my head in the sand when it comes to labour. My feeling is that I’d be so relieved to have got to that point that I’d just do whatever the midwife/doctors told me to do to get baby out safely – the thought of planning what music I’d have or what angle I want the bed tilted at just seemed ridiculous to me!! So it was good to get some facts and understanding about it all. 

37 weeks is my new milestone to reach now – 12 days to go. We’re due to move back into our house a week today, so I’m really hoping that we can do that before baby comes. None of this still seems real to be honest, but I’ll just keep plodding on and see how I go ๐Ÿ™‚

X

32+3 weeksย 

Happy to say that baby is still cooking – hurray! ๐Ÿ™‚

It’s been a steady couple of weeks since my last post, which is exactly how I like it! My husband and I went for a lovely overnight stay at a spa hotel which was great. I couldn’t do much of the stuff there – jacuzzis, hot tubs, sauna etc – but it was lovely just to be able to lie by the indoor pool and read and chill out and we both really enjoyed it.

One of my best friends also threw me a gorgeous baby shower last weekend which was brilliant. My mum baked cakes and scones and we all decorated little bibs and I got some lovely presents. It was all quite surreal but I’m so grateful that I made it that far and was able to experience it. Here’s a picture of the table, it was so pretty ๐Ÿ™‚

  

I had a growth scan at 31 weeks and baby was fine, but his/her little legs hadn’t grown quite as much as they had previously. I obviously instantly worried, but the specialist said that it could be several things – an earlier growth spurt, just a discrepancy between different sonographers who scanned me etc – so I have to go back on Thursday this week to see if this has changed. It’s there in the back of my mind, but I’m trying to relax and just see how it goes. Maybe baby will just have shorter legs, who knows?! Baby weighed in at 3lbs 11oz at exactly 31 weeks, so fingers crossed he/she has grown well by the next scan and all is well.

We’ve bought pretty much everything that we need for baby now, Moses basket, travel system, nursery furniture, basic clothes etc, which I’m pleased about. I’ve found buying things quite strange, especially walking around trying out pushchairs, but it had to be done. Our house is due to be ready to move back into on 23rd April, so I’m really hoping that baby stays cooking until then, that would be amazing. 

I’m starting to do a little bit more now, but only really going out for dinner, visiting friends, nothing more exciting than that really. I know that I’m probably being over cautious, but I just feel nervous thinking about going for long walks or being out and about for too long. I’m grateful to be able to get out and about again, but I just don’t see the sense in overdoing it when I don’t need to, so I’ll just keep pottering along and see how I go. I’m enjoying being able to put on make up and do my hair and show off my bump a bit when I go out. Everyone has been encouraging me to try and enjoy this last bit of pregnancy, so I’m doing my best. 

I’ve always worked towards little milestones in my pregnancy – it kind of keeps me sane and gives me something to look forward to. My next goal is to get to 34 weeks, that would be amazing. I’ve heard that some babies are induced/delivered at 34 weeks, so I figure that baby must have a good chance if they are born then. For now I’m just glad for every day that passes as it gives baby more time to get bigger and stronger. My local hospital can care for babies born anytime after 27 weeks, so I’m glad that baby would be able to stay there if he/she came early.

Fingers crossed for a good scan on Thursday and more cooking time ๐Ÿ™‚

X

27+4 weeks

I’m happy to say that baby is still cooking and today I had a growth scan to see how he/she is doing.

Earlier this week the midwife measured my tummy and said that I was measuring smaller than I should, which obviously instantly worried me. They measure your tummy after about 24 weeks and the number of weeks should be the same as the number of cms, so at 27 weeks I should be 27cm, but I was only 24cm. Ugh. This isn’t a very scientific approach, and lots of doctors don’t use it anymore for this reason, but I was told to tell the sonographer when I had my scan. My bump isn’t very big anyway, so I was worried that baby wasn’t growing as he/she should, but tried to put it out of my mind.

My scan was due to be at 11.40am this morning, then see the consultant afterwards, but I got a call at 9.30am saying that they had to delay my scan till 4.10pm as they were short of sonographers. Bit of a pain, but I wouldn’t be able to see the consultant afterwards, which was a real shame. Ah well.

We went to the scan and thankfully all was well! Baby is measuring in the 71st percentile (wahoo!) and weighing in at a stonking 2lbs 11oz!! Wowzers!! We’d thought maybe around 2lb 6oz at best, but even more is brilliant! I know that there are no guarantees, but in my mind the heavier they are, the better chance they have if they decide to make an early appearance, so this was great news. They checked blood flow to the placenta and that was all good too. We even got to see baby’s little foot, and all the little toes, which was amazing and made everything feel very real somehow. The sonographer said everything looked fine and that I obviously just carry baby small, which is fine with me as long as baby is ok. 

I didn’t have my cervix measured at the scan, so I’ll ask the consultant on Monday and see if she wants to check it again and then see what to do regarding my resting situation. I’m happy to keep taking it easy until the appt on Monday, the more cooking time the better really ๐Ÿ™‚

I’m taking a big step and going to order a Moses basket this week. As yet I haven’t bought anything for baby, but I’m realising that we do need to have some things here, just the basics, just in case. It’s scary, but I’m going for it. My dad and his wife also sent me some little cardigans today, which are the first baby clothes I have in the flat. It felt quite surreal opening them, but again, I’m just going with it.

Thank you for all your comments and well wishes, they really keep me going and I’m so grateful. On the way out of the hospital today I saw a big patch of daffodils. I posted last year about my love of daffodils and this really lifted my spirits even more. Here’s a little photo to brighten up Monday ๐Ÿ™‚ Fingers crossed for plenty more cooking time and calm days ahead. 

  
X

11 week scan

I’m so pleased to report that today’s scan at 11 weeks exactly went well!

I told the doctor all about the bleed and he was understandably keen to do the scan, so we got straight to it and instantly could see that baby was dancing around happily. Massive relief!! The doctor took his measurements and he measured 11 weeks 1 day, which is great, with a heartbeat of 176bpm. Again, more relief.
The doctor had a thorough check around and couldn’t see any cause for the bleeding, so he said that most likely whatever it was that caused it has now passed. He also couldn’t see any other areas of concern/haematomas, which was also a relief. He said that I might continue to bleed a bit, which is normal as it takes a while for anything that’s still there to work its way out, but as of today I’m just passing very small amounts of old, dark blood, so I’m hoping that’s all I’ll have. 

He said that he’s very happy with how things look, which was a relief. He said that I can carry on with life as normal and don’t need to be on bed rest or anything, which is good. He said that bleeding can happen, which I already knew, but I can’t believe how much blood I lost and that all is still ok. I’m so grateful that baby wasn’t in the way and that he’s just happily plodded on with all this craziness around him!!! 

Thank you for everyone’s kind comments the last few days, I really appreciate it. I’ve got my NHS scan on Thursday next week, so fingers crossed for an uneventful week until then, and now for a well earned rest!!

X

Please send good thoughtsย 

Well, it’s been another one of those weeks I’m afraid. I’ll bullet point it to make life easier….

– Wed 21st, 9.5 week scan which went really well, happy days

– Mon 26th, light bleeding late afternoon. Went to hospital, had a cervical exam, cervix was closed and no new blood seen. Told to go home and rest and would be given a scan on Wed 28th

– Wed 28th, had a scan at 10am. Baby measured perfectly, loads of movement, all looked brilliant

– Around 4.30pm went to the bathroom and had a massive bleed. I had no pain, no cramps, but it was all over my legs, through my jeans, everywhere. Went to the hospital, where I continued to bleed, had an exam and cervix was closed. Had a scan and baby was fine, but there was a small bleed underneath the sac. Doctor diagnosed it as a threatened miscarriage, I just have to wait and see what happens. All might be fine, or we might lose the baby, there’s nothing we can do apart from wait. 

I spoke to my miscarriage specialist and I’m going to see him for a scan on Saturday. If anything gets worse I need to go to the hospital again, but for now it’s just waiting and hoping. So far today the bleeding has definitely lessened, and it’s darker in colour, which is what the doctor said to expect, as its old blood. I guess I should take that as a good sign, but with everything that’s happened I’m finding it difficult to see anything as good at the moment. 

The strangest thing is that yesterday morning after the good scan, I finally started to believe that this might be working – that this one might be it. I went into a baby store with my mother and allowed myself to look at baby clothes, which I’ve never done the whole time I’ve been pregnant. We told a few friends and allowed ourselves to be happy, I just can’t believe how short lived it was.

The irony of all of this is that this has nothing to do with my history. It’s taken three years, five miscarriages and a ton of drugs, operations and treatments to finally get us to what we have now – a perfect, wriggly, healthy baby. This has been the hardest part – making my body accept a baby and not reject it – and finally we’ve been able to do this, and we’ve been able to see something that we’ve never seen before, our own baby dancing and moving away inside my belly. Whatever happens, seeing that was absolutely magical and I’ll always treasure that memory. But now, after all this, our precious baby could be taken away by something completely out of the blue, which we couldn’t prepare for or prevent in any way. Every loss we’ve had has felt unfair, but to get this far and lose it now is just unthinkable. 

I guess I just wait until Saturday now and see what the scan shows. My husband is here looking after me and we’re both just getting through the day, silently scared and not really wanting to talk about it. Please send any good thoughts my way, we need them now more than ever.

X

Wrapped up in bubble wrapย 

Strange title I know, but this is basically what I wish I could be at the moment!!

Fingers crossed, all is moving along as it should. I’ve had no more bleeding and the days are just moving along normally. I’m 8 weeks 4 days today and am still tired, still hungry, but not much else. I’d love more symptoms (crazy at it sounds, I might at least feel like everything was ok then somehow) but maybe this is just how I am, so there we are. 

I had to go to the doctor for a urine test on Monday, as I thought I had a uti, but all turned out to be fine. Whilst I was there, she asked if I’d booked an appointment to see the midwife. I said no, as I was scared to book anything until after my 9.5 week scan next week, but she said I needed to, so I’m booked to see her on 24th. She then asked if I’d booked my 12 week scan. Again, I said no, for the same reason. Again, I have to send off the form to book that too.

I know that we’ve seen a good strong heartbeat and a perfect sized baby at 7.5 weeks, so the chances of the next scan being positive are good, but I still can’t help wanting to just somehow not face anything pregnancy-related until I’ve had the next scan. Our recurrent miscarriage specialist told us that if we get to 9 weeks, the chances of things not working out are then extremely low, so I’m just trying to plod along until then and hope that things work out. The few people whom we’ve told have been amazing, and it’s been lovely to actually have some good news for once, but after 5 losses, I just can’t suddenly switch to ‘everything’s going to be fine’ mode – as much as I’d love to. I’ve met with the midwife before, got my maternity notes, all of those things, then seen it not progress. 

Overall I’m feeling pretty calm about things, mainly because I know that everything will work out as it works out – no amount of stressing or panicking will change anything – so I just have to live my life and see how it goes. But now that things have started so brilliantly, I’m just hoping more than ever that it continues. I went into a shop this week and saw all of the Christmas decorations and for the first time in years, I got that warm, magical, Christmassy feeling. We’ve lost babies twice at Christmas since we’ve been married, so it’s become a time of sadness for us as a couple, and as I stood there I just wished more than anything that this would work out and that we’d be able to feel that happiness again. 

I’ll keep plodding on until next week, please keep your fingers crossed that the good news continues.

X

7 week scanย 

I’ve just had our scan at 7 weeks 4 days and am happy to report that it’s good news!!

I can’t even describe to you the terror that I felt before we went in. It’s easily the most anxious and nervous that I’ve been on all of this journey, I felt sick and it wasn’t from the hormones, just pure fear.

The specialist was great and got straight to the scan. He put the scanner in and after a matter of seconds he said ‘baby’s fine’. Honestly, hearing those words was one of the best feelings I’ve ever had. He zoomed in and I saw the heartbeat whizzing away, then he put something over it and we were able to hear it beating – wowzers! It was 158 beats per minutes, which he was very happy about. He then measured the CRL (crown rump length) which is the length of the baby, and it was 1.3cm, which is exactly 7 weeks and 4 days. Honestly, I still can’t believe that this is happening.

He saw a little area next to the baby where there was blood, which may be the cause of the spotting, but he wasn’t worried about it. He said to stay on the double progesterone and no sex (sorry Mr TryTryAgain!), and hopefully it won’t be a problem.

I asked the specialist about an auto immune condition called Sjogrens Syndrome, as I think I may have it. I read about it a while ago, as the main symptoms are dry eyes and trouble swallowing, both of which I have, and interestingly the treatment for it is hydroxychloroquine, which I’m having as part of my reproductive immunology treatment. Might be a coincidence, but he’s taken a blood sample for it and will see what it shows, as it may have some relevance later on, if things continue to go well. 
So I’m now sitting having my intralipid infusion at the doctors, trying to take it all in. I’m seeing the NHS for a scan next week, then seeing the specialist the week after. He’s very keen to get to 9 weeks, as he says the risk of miscarriage drops significantly after that, so let’s hope that we can get there.

Thank you for all your well wishes, I really really appreciate it.

X