Try try trying again!

It’s been a year since our gorgeous little boy was born and now we’re going to try for baby number two….
For anyone who’s new to my blog, I had five miscarriages before having my son, thanks to a specialist in reproductive immunology and pretty much every drug known to man! I didn’t blog after my son was born – mainly because I know how difficult it can be to read about this when you’re still trying – but I’d like to write about the second time around because I’ll be back on the drugs again and am interested to see how it goes and in case anyone else is going through the same. 

When our son was about 9 months old we thought we’d have a try for another one. You always hear about women who’ve struggled to fall/stay pregnant, have loads of treatment and then miraculously fall pregnant the first month the second time around. We hoped that this might be the case for us! It kind of was, as I did fall pregnant, but sadly it want to be. It was a very early miscarriage, which isn’t much consolation, but at least it was over quickly unlike some of the others which I’ve had, so for that I was grateful. So after this we knew that realistically the medical route was the only option which we had.

We went back to see Dr S and I had allsorts of blood tests done to see how everything was doing. We knew that the treatment which I had last time worked, so if all was ok we could just crack on. Last time I had to have a Humira injection – which absolutely floored me with tiredness – so I was dreading having to have that again. Thankfully the tests showed that I didn’t need that – massive relief!! So to summarise, here’s what I’ll be taking:

– Metformin

– Hydroxychloroquine 

– Prednisolone

– Baby aspirin

– Vitamin D and pregnancy vitamins

– Letrozole (for ovulation induction as I have polycystic ovaries)

I’ve weaned myself back on gently – vitamins, aspirin and metformin first. Metformin always made me feel sick, so I think it’s best just to take it easy and build up gradually. I need to take the hydroxychloroquine for 6 weeks before we can try anyway, so it’ll be a while before then. I took my first hydroxychloroquine tablet just now, so let the fun begin!!

If I’m honest, I’m equally excited and terrified about having another baby. Our son is amazing and so much fun and brings us incredible happiness – but the reality of having two young children is scary! We’re in a good routine with him and the thought of going back to no sleep and having to look after two children does worry me, but we both really want him to have a sibling so we’re ready to try again. I’m also nervous about being so knackered on all the drugs again, especially with an energetic one year old to run around after!

So let’s see how it goes! Can’t quite believe that we’re back on this rollercoaster again! Xx

My blog – what next?

Our beautiful baby boy is here and already happily taking up all of our time, for which I am eternally and completely grateful. 

I don’t feel the need to change this blog into a mummy/baby blog now. I started writing as a way of dealing with my struggles to have a baby and a byproduct of this was meeting many incredible women in similar situations, all dealing with our journeys and trying to make the best of things. I have tears in my eyes thinking of all of these women and how indescribably difficult our journeys have been. I don’t think the pain of loss/infertility ever leaves you, and I wish that everyone could have their happy ending, I really truly do.

I don’t think I’ll be posting regularly, if at all, but I definitely would like to be available for anyone who would like to ask about my journey, treatment etc, as some of the reproductive immunology treatment which I had was quite new and innovative, and I’d always be happy to share my experience where I could if it would help anybody else. I’m not a doctor, and won’t try to be, but I can just tell my story. Please just comment on my blog and I will reply.

Thank you to everyone who has helped and supported me on my journey, I couldn’t ever have imagined meeting so many supportive people, it’s been overwhelming. I’ll keep up with blogs regularly and am so hopeful for everyone who is still trying. 

Here is our little bundle of happiness, our perfect, perfect boy.   

 
X

37+6 weeks

Well, here we are, the day before induction!!

I honestly can’t believe that we’re here. I won’t go into all of our history, journey, how far we’ve come etc as I think it will be a bit overwhelming for me, but anyone who’s been reading for a while will know our story.

I’m feeling generally ok. To be honest, none of it has really sunk in. People are texting me to wish me luck, guessing the baby’s gender, weight, arrival time etc, but I still can’t quite get my head around the fact that this time tomorrow I’ll be in hospital being induced, possibly even in labour by now. It’s just overwhelming. The house is all ready, everything is bought, but still it doesn’t feel real. I’m guessing that this is normal given my history, so I’m just going with it.

I haven’t read too much about induction stories as to be honest they’re like regular labour stories – every one is different. I just know that baby and I will be monitored all the way through, which is the most important thing. It is a weird thought going into hospital to actually have a baby – not for another scan or test or appointment. I still can’t quite believe that it’s happening. I’m not overly anxious about giving birth, but that might all change once I get in there. I’m open to any pain relief that is needed, so hopefully the docs will help if it all gets too much. There’s always a chance of needing a C section if induction isn’t working too, but again I’m fine with that, whatever is needed to get baby out ok.

My husband has taken the day off today so we’re going to go out for lunch together which will be lovely. He’s doing ok, a bit nervous too I think, but mainly excited. 

Please send good thoughts my way for tomorrow and thank you for everyone’s kind words along the way. 

X

Specialist appt – 35+4 weeks

My husband and I went to our NHS specialist appt today, expecting the usual chat about baby’s growth, next scan, etc etc. Instead we were told that given my history and the drugs which I’ve been taking throughout my pregnancy that baby would be induced at 38 weeks! That’s only about 17 days away!!!!

The looks on our faces must have been a picture – I literally didn’t have any words, I just sat and stared at the consultant. Once it sank in a bit, I realised that it’s definitely for the best – not only because baby and me will be monitored all the way through, which is great, but also for my mental health, as the thought of waiting and waiting definitely does make me anxious. I’ve never been afraid of labour – ironically that’s the one part of all of this which hasn’t scared me – but it’s definitely strange knowing that one day I’ll wake up and know that I’m going into hospital to have my baby that day.

So today I had a swab taken for Strep B, as well as a very quick scan to see baby’s heartbeat and check that he/she is head down. Then I need to go for weekly appts to monitor baby’s heartbeat for an hour or so until induction date. The hospital will send me a date for induction in the post, but I think it’ll be around 5th May. Wowzers. 

Hearing that today made everything feel very real all of a sudden, but I just need to keep calm and see how I go. We’re due to move back into our house this weekend, so I’m hoping baby stays put until then so at least we can get in and get settled. 

What a day, my head is still spinning a bit to be honest! But I’m so grateful for the level of care which I’ve received, just have to keep calm and carry on as they say! 

X

35+2 weeks

Still here – still cooking! 🙂

I mentioned in my last post that my sister in law was due a baby at any time and I’m delighted to announce that she gave birth to a beautiful baby girl on Thursday last week! Mother and baby are both fine and my SIL did amazingly well – in and out of hospital in half a day and she delivered with only gas and air! We met our little niece the next day and she was perfect, 7lbs 2oz and looked so tiny! It was brilliant to meet her, but somehow it still doesn’t register that I have one of those in my tummy – I know how ridiculous that sounds, but it’s true. But lovely news all round for the family 🙂

On Thursday evening I had to go to the hospital as baby wasn’t moving as much as normal. They put me on the monitor and baby woke up straightaway, so they checked me for an hour and I was sent home. They asked me to go back the next day for another check, and they also brought forward my scan from next Monday to Friday, just so they could double check that all was ok. I’ve said it before but I’ll say it again – I cannot fault the NHS for how much they’ve taken care of me in this pregnancy, I really am so grateful.

I had the scan and all was well. Blood flows to baby were good and he/she is weighing in at 5lbs 6oz at exactly 35 weeks 🙂 I saw the consultant afterwards and she was happy with baby’s growth, so I’m seeing her on Monday for my usual appt with her. It was a pretty stressful couple of days, but I’m so relieved that all was ok.

Today my husband and I went to an NHS antenatal class with about 10 other couples. I’ve always been so nervous throughout my pregnancy that I’ve never dared to sign up for any classes, so I did this at the very last minute and was lucky enough to get a place. The midwife running the class was brilliant – very honest and straightforward – and she talked us through the stages of labour, pain relief, when labour changes and interventions are needed, postnatal care and breast feeding. It was a really useful session as to be honest I’ve pretty much put my head in the sand when it comes to labour. My feeling is that I’d be so relieved to have got to that point that I’d just do whatever the midwife/doctors told me to do to get baby out safely – the thought of planning what music I’d have or what angle I want the bed tilted at just seemed ridiculous to me!! So it was good to get some facts and understanding about it all. 

37 weeks is my new milestone to reach now – 12 days to go. We’re due to move back into our house a week today, so I’m really hoping that we can do that before baby comes. None of this still seems real to be honest, but I’ll just keep plodding on and see how I go 🙂

X

34 weeks

I can’t quite believe that I’m writing that – we’re at 34 weeks!! 🙂

I’m incredibly happy to have reached this milestone. From what I’ve read, if baby came along now he/she would have a great chance of doing well, with a bit of medical assistance, which is just amazing to me. It was almost 10 weeks ago that we were told that baby might be coming early and it’s been a long old time since then – taking it easy, hoping, waiting – and now here we are. I’m so very grateful to have got this far.

I mentioned in my last post that at our 31 week scan baby’s little legs hadn’t grown as much as usual. We had another scan at 33 weeks and they were still a bit short, but had grown more than before. Baby was weighing in at 4lbs 9oz and was in the 36th percentile and the sonographer said everything looked good. My consultant is on holiday until Monday, so I’ll see her then and see what she thinks. I have another scan on 18th if baby is still cooking then, so we’ll see how that goes. 

I don’t know if I mentioned this before, but my sister in law is also pregnant and is 6 weeks ahead of me, so she is due anytime now. It’s her second baby and she had a difficult birth with her first, so she’s understandably very worried about this one. I’m so excited for her and to have a little newborn around, just hoping that she has a better experience this time around.

So for now I’ll keep plodding on. I’m still amazed to have got this far and am so very grateful. 

X