My blog – what next?

Our beautiful baby boy is here and already happily taking up all of our time, for which I am eternally and completely grateful. 

I don’t feel the need to change this blog into a mummy/baby blog now. I started writing as a way of dealing with my struggles to have a baby and a byproduct of this was meeting many incredible women in similar situations, all dealing with our journeys and trying to make the best of things. I have tears in my eyes thinking of all of these women and how indescribably difficult our journeys have been. I don’t think the pain of loss/infertility ever leaves you, and I wish that everyone could have their happy ending, I really truly do.

I don’t think I’ll be posting regularly, if at all, but I definitely would like to be available for anyone who would like to ask about my journey, treatment etc, as some of the reproductive immunology treatment which I had was quite new and innovative, and I’d always be happy to share my experience where I could if it would help anybody else. I’m not a doctor, and won’t try to be, but I can just tell my story. Please just comment on my blog and I will reply.

Thank you to everyone who has helped and supported me on my journey, I couldn’t ever have imagined meeting so many supportive people, it’s been overwhelming. I’ll keep up with blogs regularly and am so hopeful for everyone who is still trying. 

Here is our little bundle of happiness, our perfect, perfect boy.   

 
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Specialist appt – 35+4 weeks

My husband and I went to our NHS specialist appt today, expecting the usual chat about baby’s growth, next scan, etc etc. Instead we were told that given my history and the drugs which I’ve been taking throughout my pregnancy that baby would be induced at 38 weeks! That’s only about 17 days away!!!!

The looks on our faces must have been a picture – I literally didn’t have any words, I just sat and stared at the consultant. Once it sank in a bit, I realised that it’s definitely for the best – not only because baby and me will be monitored all the way through, which is great, but also for my mental health, as the thought of waiting and waiting definitely does make me anxious. I’ve never been afraid of labour – ironically that’s the one part of all of this which hasn’t scared me – but it’s definitely strange knowing that one day I’ll wake up and know that I’m going into hospital to have my baby that day.

So today I had a swab taken for Strep B, as well as a very quick scan to see baby’s heartbeat and check that he/she is head down. Then I need to go for weekly appts to monitor baby’s heartbeat for an hour or so until induction date. The hospital will send me a date for induction in the post, but I think it’ll be around 5th May. Wowzers. 

Hearing that today made everything feel very real all of a sudden, but I just need to keep calm and see how I go. We’re due to move back into our house this weekend, so I’m hoping baby stays put until then so at least we can get in and get settled. 

What a day, my head is still spinning a bit to be honest! But I’m so grateful for the level of care which I’ve received, just have to keep calm and carry on as they say! 

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34 weeks

I can’t quite believe that I’m writing that – we’re at 34 weeks!! 🙂

I’m incredibly happy to have reached this milestone. From what I’ve read, if baby came along now he/she would have a great chance of doing well, with a bit of medical assistance, which is just amazing to me. It was almost 10 weeks ago that we were told that baby might be coming early and it’s been a long old time since then – taking it easy, hoping, waiting – and now here we are. I’m so very grateful to have got this far.

I mentioned in my last post that at our 31 week scan baby’s little legs hadn’t grown as much as usual. We had another scan at 33 weeks and they were still a bit short, but had grown more than before. Baby was weighing in at 4lbs 9oz and was in the 36th percentile and the sonographer said everything looked good. My consultant is on holiday until Monday, so I’ll see her then and see what she thinks. I have another scan on 18th if baby is still cooking then, so we’ll see how that goes. 

I don’t know if I mentioned this before, but my sister in law is also pregnant and is 6 weeks ahead of me, so she is due anytime now. It’s her second baby and she had a difficult birth with her first, so she’s understandably very worried about this one. I’m so excited for her and to have a little newborn around, just hoping that she has a better experience this time around.

So for now I’ll keep plodding on. I’m still amazed to have got this far and am so very grateful. 

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32+3 weeks 

Happy to say that baby is still cooking – hurray! 🙂

It’s been a steady couple of weeks since my last post, which is exactly how I like it! My husband and I went for a lovely overnight stay at a spa hotel which was great. I couldn’t do much of the stuff there – jacuzzis, hot tubs, sauna etc – but it was lovely just to be able to lie by the indoor pool and read and chill out and we both really enjoyed it.

One of my best friends also threw me a gorgeous baby shower last weekend which was brilliant. My mum baked cakes and scones and we all decorated little bibs and I got some lovely presents. It was all quite surreal but I’m so grateful that I made it that far and was able to experience it. Here’s a picture of the table, it was so pretty 🙂

  

I had a growth scan at 31 weeks and baby was fine, but his/her little legs hadn’t grown quite as much as they had previously. I obviously instantly worried, but the specialist said that it could be several things – an earlier growth spurt, just a discrepancy between different sonographers who scanned me etc – so I have to go back on Thursday this week to see if this has changed. It’s there in the back of my mind, but I’m trying to relax and just see how it goes. Maybe baby will just have shorter legs, who knows?! Baby weighed in at 3lbs 11oz at exactly 31 weeks, so fingers crossed he/she has grown well by the next scan and all is well.

We’ve bought pretty much everything that we need for baby now, Moses basket, travel system, nursery furniture, basic clothes etc, which I’m pleased about. I’ve found buying things quite strange, especially walking around trying out pushchairs, but it had to be done. Our house is due to be ready to move back into on 23rd April, so I’m really hoping that baby stays cooking until then, that would be amazing. 

I’m starting to do a little bit more now, but only really going out for dinner, visiting friends, nothing more exciting than that really. I know that I’m probably being over cautious, but I just feel nervous thinking about going for long walks or being out and about for too long. I’m grateful to be able to get out and about again, but I just don’t see the sense in overdoing it when I don’t need to, so I’ll just keep pottering along and see how I go. I’m enjoying being able to put on make up and do my hair and show off my bump a bit when I go out. Everyone has been encouraging me to try and enjoy this last bit of pregnancy, so I’m doing my best. 

I’ve always worked towards little milestones in my pregnancy – it kind of keeps me sane and gives me something to look forward to. My next goal is to get to 34 weeks, that would be amazing. I’ve heard that some babies are induced/delivered at 34 weeks, so I figure that baby must have a good chance if they are born then. For now I’m just glad for every day that passes as it gives baby more time to get bigger and stronger. My local hospital can care for babies born anytime after 27 weeks, so I’m glad that baby would be able to stay there if he/she came early.

Fingers crossed for a good scan on Thursday and more cooking time 🙂

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30 weeks

Still here, still cooking – 30 weeks today!

I’ve continued to take it pretty easy since my last appt with the consultant at 28+4, and I was really hoping to make it to 30 weeks. I don’t know if it makes a great deal of difference to be at 30 weeks, but it definitely feels good to be in the 30s and out of the 20s 🙂

I’ve bought all of the basics for baby now, which has been strange to do, but needed to be done. Everything is safely packed away and hopefully will stay that way for plenty of time yet.

I saw the midwife yesterday for a check up and she measured my tummy to check baby’s growth. I was 29+6 weeks, so my tummy should have measured 29cm, yet she measured it at 23cm….?! So my tummy had apparently shrunk…..?! I told her that this couldn’t be right, but she insisted it was and brought forward my NHS scan from a week tomorrow until tomorrow. I naturally got upset and worried about this smaller measurement, but luckily I was seeing our private reproductive immunology specialist today for a scan, so that was handy.

When I told the specialist about the measurement he almost laughed and said he could tell by looking at me that I was 30 weeks! Quite a skill if you can do it I guess!! But he measured me and I was at 30 weeks, so I’m guessing the midwife (who was lovely, but very young) might have been relatively new and didn’t quite get it right. Ah well. I’ve always measured small, which I told her, but I definitely could have done without the extra worry!

We had the scan today and baby had a good heartbeat at 143bpm and weighed in at a brilliant 3lbs 8oz! Hurray! He/she is also above average size for their dates, which always makes me feel better. I’m staying on my progesterone, metformin and hydroxychloroquine until 36 weeks, and the doctor has said I can get back to normal now, which was good to hear, if not a little scary. 

So, back to plodding on and hoping for more cooking time! One of my best friends has taken over organising a baby shower for me a week on Sunday, so I’m really hoping that baby stays in until well after that. I’d love to be able to see my friends and enjoy that experience, fingers crossed. My husband has also booked us an evening away at a spa hotel next week too, so again I’m hoping baby stays put so we can enjoy that. It definitely makes me nervous to think about getting back to normal, but I know I’ll always take it pretty steady when I’m out and about – my days of long walks are over for now!

Thanks again for everyone’s good wishes – I really appreciate them 🙂

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28+4 weeks 

Still here, baby’s still cooking, hurray! 

We had a good scan on Monday last week and baby was growing well, measuring in the 71st percentile at a healthy 2lbs 11oz which was great! We were due to see the consultant straight after but it got pushed back to today instead, so I thought it best to just take it easy until today’s appointment, so it’s been another steady week of pottering round the flat and not doing much at all.

On Saturday we had a photo shoot with a photographer friend of mine who specialises in maternity and newborn baby shoots. As odd as it might sound, it was really important for me to make it to that shoot. After all we’ve been through to get here I was so keen to have some photos of us together and also of me being pregnant, as it looked for so long like I’d never get here and I’ve loved watching my body change and grow as the time has gone along. Whatever happens, I just so wanted those photos that remember all of this by. We made it to Saturday and did the shoot and we’re both so happy with the results. I had several nude photos done (move over, Demi!) and they were honestly some of the most beautiful images I’ve ever seen. I’m no supermodel by any means, but it just makes me so happy to see what my body is doing. So we’re really pleased that we were able to get those done.

I ordered a few essentials for baby and they’re slowly starting to arrive. I still find it all a bit surreal, but I have to start planning ahead a bit, even if it is tricky for me. The Moses basket is due to arrive this week, which will be a biggie I’m sure. I’m just keeping everything tucked away for now, but it’s good to have them there.

So today we went to the specialist – I took my mum as my husband was at work. Whilst we were waiting we got chatting to a couple who were also waiting and they were 25 weeks along and expecting twins. They already had two children aged 8 and 9 and the twins were a surprise. I found my heart sinking a little when she said this – as it always does when I hear of someone falling pregnant without trying – until she mentioned that she had been pregnant with twins two years ago and sadly lost them both as one was ectopic and the other was lost during the procedure to remove her tube. It just made me realise once again how many women go through hard times to have their babies, it really is sadly so common. 

We went in to see the specialist and she was very happy with how baby is growing, which was great. She did a quick scan and my mum got to see the baby, hear the heartbeat and see all of his/her little body! I was really happy that she got to see this as she hadn’t been to any of the scans. I asked if I still needed to rest at home and she said that I could start to get back to normal, but just to take it steady. She said that I need to start enjoying the pregnancy, as I’m past the very premature age now, so I’m allowed to start doing some things again.

This made me a bit nervous, but I’m happy to potter in the flat during the week, but at least it means that on a weekend I can go to the cinema, or to dinner, so my husband and I aren’t stuck at home the entire time. I have no intention of doing long walks or shopping trips, but walking for 2 mins to get from the car to the restaurant is allowed. She said that they won’t check my cervix anymore now as I’ve reached viability, so I just need to take it steady and see how I get on. I’ve got an appt with our specialist in reproductive immunology on 10th March, if we get that far, then another scan the week after with the NHS.

I’ve taken another big step for me and am organising a mini baby shower for just about 6 of my friends and my mum. It’ll be at the flat, so no drama for me to get to, and my mum has kindly offered to make the cakes and scones for the day, which is great. This is planned for the weekend of 20th March, which isn’t that far away, but as usual it feels like a lifetime away when you’re hoping to keep baby cooking inside! It makes me nervous to plan this, but as with the photo shoot it’s something that id love to have to remember all of this by. It’s also been very hard for my friends as none of them have really known what to say/do because we’ve had so many medical hurdles along the way with this pregnancy, so I’m hoping we can make it to then and be able to celebrate a little bit with them.

So another day is almost done. I’m so grateful that baby is doing well and is staying cooking, this really is the most important thing. Please keep good thoughts coming this way for plenty more cooking time! 

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27+4 weeks

I’m happy to say that baby is still cooking and today I had a growth scan to see how he/she is doing.

Earlier this week the midwife measured my tummy and said that I was measuring smaller than I should, which obviously instantly worried me. They measure your tummy after about 24 weeks and the number of weeks should be the same as the number of cms, so at 27 weeks I should be 27cm, but I was only 24cm. Ugh. This isn’t a very scientific approach, and lots of doctors don’t use it anymore for this reason, but I was told to tell the sonographer when I had my scan. My bump isn’t very big anyway, so I was worried that baby wasn’t growing as he/she should, but tried to put it out of my mind.

My scan was due to be at 11.40am this morning, then see the consultant afterwards, but I got a call at 9.30am saying that they had to delay my scan till 4.10pm as they were short of sonographers. Bit of a pain, but I wouldn’t be able to see the consultant afterwards, which was a real shame. Ah well.

We went to the scan and thankfully all was well! Baby is measuring in the 71st percentile (wahoo!) and weighing in at a stonking 2lbs 11oz!! Wowzers!! We’d thought maybe around 2lb 6oz at best, but even more is brilliant! I know that there are no guarantees, but in my mind the heavier they are, the better chance they have if they decide to make an early appearance, so this was great news. They checked blood flow to the placenta and that was all good too. We even got to see baby’s little foot, and all the little toes, which was amazing and made everything feel very real somehow. The sonographer said everything looked fine and that I obviously just carry baby small, which is fine with me as long as baby is ok. 

I didn’t have my cervix measured at the scan, so I’ll ask the consultant on Monday and see if she wants to check it again and then see what to do regarding my resting situation. I’m happy to keep taking it easy until the appt on Monday, the more cooking time the better really 🙂

I’m taking a big step and going to order a Moses basket this week. As yet I haven’t bought anything for baby, but I’m realising that we do need to have some things here, just the basics, just in case. It’s scary, but I’m going for it. My dad and his wife also sent me some little cardigans today, which are the first baby clothes I have in the flat. It felt quite surreal opening them, but again, I’m just going with it.

Thank you for all your comments and well wishes, they really keep me going and I’m so grateful. On the way out of the hospital today I saw a big patch of daffodils. I posted last year about my love of daffodils and this really lifted my spirits even more. Here’s a little photo to brighten up Monday 🙂 Fingers crossed for plenty more cooking time and calm days ahead. 

  
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